so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
