she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
