On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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