pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
