he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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