we're chasing vodka with high fives
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
