The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
