I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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