I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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