you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
