Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
