Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i already hear my dad disowning me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize