He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
