Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
