She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
