Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
