Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
