her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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