The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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