How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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