So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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