I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
