Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize