I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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