Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
