I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
