i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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