Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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