he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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