You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Screwed.edu
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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