the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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