apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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