You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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