Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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