Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
