My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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