does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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