if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
