is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
