Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
