i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
