it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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