Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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