my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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