I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
