i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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