There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
