if you like me you must not know who I am
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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