I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
