tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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