You really coming over, don't trick.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
MIDGETS
????
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
