We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
