rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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