The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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