and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
