i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
