Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
