I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
