please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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