i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
