She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
