I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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