If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize