Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
