okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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