When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
