i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I want her autograph on my taint
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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