some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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