it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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