that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
